My father and me had a really, really long journey, a lot of things were said and not said over time because I did not understand him or his ways in my youth in particular, some parts are not a very pretty story, dad was hard work at times (and I know he thought I was) he always said that I was put on this earth to test him, but “all in all” and in my view it was well worth that trek across time to discover someone of this caliber that was my dad, Some things he instilled in me as a child are part of my tools I use every day now, I watched him for hours when he used to cook meals and managed his hotel, other things he did not get quite right (but hay! No-one tells you how to bring up your children), he was strict and showed his love in strange ways I could not understand as a child but adore him for as an adult because this made him the unique person he was, I want to thank you dad for being my father AND will love you eternally.
I think this is an ongoing saga as my son has these feelings about me now and so much time is wasted through misunderstandings, we forget as adults how sensitive a child is, how they read our body talk and react to something that we as adults bear little regard to? A few words we say as a joke, or maybe a phrase can seriously impact a Childs vision of us, it can be the most simplest things like; dad having a really bad day! I know my dad loved me now and always did and as god is my witness I truly love him but as I said that is part of my story here and how I managed to get to that point through some pretty rough times with my father having some really bad habits.
One of our strengths as human beings is the capability of understanding and forgiveness; no parent gets it 100% right, most parents love their children and we all have the capability of losing our way through the maze of life itself, and let's face it most children are not born little angels either! I personally know I was quite a little horror (especially in my teens) but through it all I think I have become a very balanced individual with a little hard work on myself.
I am not proud of some of my personal imperfections as life is a learning process all we can do is try to be better people, but also my dad had imperfections too even mum has a few, life is much too short to waste on tit for tat where loved ones and blood kin are concerned try to look on the other side of the fence, evaluate a whole story and complete the task as a father is a much too costly price to pay for a misunderstanding, I feel so lucky for both me and my dad finally settled our differences and for me to really know this great person in my life.
I was with my father 24 hours a day for around 3 years taking care of his needs before he died, I stood by my father when the doctor gave him the awful news of his decease and it’s ultimate conclusion and I was the one that was with him every time they changed his blood and sat with him in endless waiting rooms for going on 3 years and all the bits in-between, mum helped out where she could but she was equally distressed by dads declining health as they had been together for 50 years, I could not trust mum 100% to give dad his medication and believe this was the start of her own illness and dementia, unfortunately there was no support from either my brother or sister.
However, as a bonus I also grew to know my dad better because of this time so I am really grateful for that.
Will always love you dad. Paul